I think the concept of New Year’s resolutions is good but mostly ineffective. It puts a lot of pressure on one time of year to make goals rather than having goals throughout the year. Often folks just pick a goal without much thought because, well, you’re supposed to have something. Most of them are forgotten by February.
A few years ago, a friend published an end of year reflections workbook in the form of a zine. It had prompts like “when did you feel at ease?”, “what do you want less of?”, and “what do you want more of in your day?”. It’s hard to get the perspective for this when you’re in your routine. Another friend who is an anthropologist once pointed out to me that everyone thinks they have no culture because they’re just in it. But the thing about this time of year is that after some travel, a break from work / school, and a different routine, you have an outside perspective into your life.
Here’s one thing I knew about myself but recently realized in a more profound way: I’m good at focusing and digging in and persevering. I’m less good at knowing when it would be helpful to stop and zoom out and try a new approach. Years ago when I visited the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum, I spent the entirety of my 2 hours there in the Wright Brothers exhibit, with a brief look at the Gossamer Condor. For the record, I have no regrets about this, but it does illustrate this tendency. I also see it in my 5-year-old son. Since day care, he has had an extraordinary ability to focus on an object or a book. He won the book worm award at his pre-K class. And I also saw this tendency in my cousin once when we went to an art museum together – it was maybe the first time I experienced going to a museum and having to wait periodically for someone who was moving through it slower than I was.
A year ago, I took up rock climbing with my son. I find it rewarding since completing a challenging route requires strategy, technique, and strength – usually in that order. And one gets better at all of those things slowly with practice. Yesterday I went climbing for the first time in two weeks. I was working on a route that was grip-intensive. I was trying a few different approaches to it, but none helped me make progress. I kept falling on the second move. One thing that climbing instructors recommend is to rest between attempts and also alternate between routes that require different muscle groups. So next I worked on another route that I thought was going to spare my forearms from tiring out more. But when I was on the route, I realized it was more grip-intensive than it looked. I got to the last hold. I had a solid technique and strategy, but I just couldn’t grip it with my tired arm. It was clear to me that if I hadn’t been tiring out my forearms the entire session, I would have been able to finish it.
So this is what I’m thinking about as I approach the year: stepping back and observing how I approach work and hobbies and connecting with friends and family, maybe not getting stuck as much, and bringing outside perspectives in more. Mindfulness meditation has helped. And when I was doing more people management, it put me into this outside perspective from the other end.